Why Finding Balance Between Work and Motherhood Feels Like Stepping Off a Rollercoaster and Embracing the Merry-Go-Round: A Thrill Seeker’s Journey Towards Stability and Joy
There’s a scene in the 1989 Steve Martin movie ‘Parenthood’ that always struck a chord with me, decades before I became a parent and really understood its relevance.
Grandma is quietly sitting at the dining table with her coat on while utter chaos reigns around her as family members get ready to be loaded into the car for a school event. When she suddenly starts telling a story to anyone who will listen, looking wistfully into the distance. Everyone stops their bickering.
“You know, when I was nineteen, Grandpa took me on a roller coaster.
Up, down, up, down. Oh, what a ride! I always wanted to go again. You know, it was just so interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together! Some didn't like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it.”
You do. You definitely do.
The exhilaration of making a difference in a fast-paced environment like Higher Education can’t be beaten.
But just as Grandma alluded, that rollercoaster ride can make you feel quite dis regulated and there’s also a role for the peace and sparkly lights of the merry go round. I am a full-time working Mum and a leader in Higher Education. I have two young children and a supportive husband.
Mornings at my house could have been lifted from that very movie scene, except there’s no insightful grandma at hand to impart words of soothing wisdom at the breakfast table.
I'm up before the crack of dawn making a head start on emails, before playing the roles of hairdresser, referee, taxi driver and motivational speaker all in one. By the time the kids are dropped off at school, I feel like I've already been on the log flume of life before even setting foot in the office.
My days working in Research and Enterprise at a UK university are filled with diverse activities and challenges, including programme designing, developing impact case studies, delivering student enterprise, networking, and webinar events; all keeping me and my team on my toes.
Balancing these demands with the unique needs of my children requires a level of multitasking that would make even the most seasoned HE leader break a sweat.
But I’ve learnt that when that balance starts to topple, and the rollercoaster is about to go around again; it’s ok to get off and find another attraction, one where I can regulate and focus on who I am and what’s important to me. I am a beekeeper in my free time and the methodical process of inspecting my bees forces me to quiet my mind and focus on something which is far bigger than I am, nature and supporting phenomenal creatures, which quite literally keep us alive.
In the fairground of life, I've learned that getting off the ride ultimately enables me to embrace the unpredictability and be better at my job as well as the challenges parenting presents.
It’s okay to laugh in the fun house, go round the merry go round a few times and hook a few ducks (waiting to be put in a row!) taking time out to be your authentic self is what will empower you to be a better leader and get back at the front of that roller coaster, arms in the air ready to ride the ups and downs again.
Here's to the chaos and the fearless thrill seekers of academia!
Emma Worthington