How to survive a tough work audience: lessons from stand-up comedy
I still die inside when I remember the event. I was doing a presentation to senior leads across the university on some needful changes to our curriculum model. It was controversial so I knew I would meet some resistance.
It all started so well. Or should I say I was being listened to politely for the first five minutes. Then the most influential person in one of the faculties raised an objection. I responded. He continued. I responded. He continued. We locked horns for maybe two or three minutes in this ping-pong. With all eyes on me, it felt like half an hour. I could feel myself getting more and more defensive. And because I was being challenged by someone so powerful in the university, and losing, others piled in. I was toast.
Sadly my experience is not unusual. It might be a student who keeps questioning your authority. It might be at a conference and someone doesn’t like something about your paper and decides to try to undermine everything you have to say. And, of course, it might be variations of my own experience when you have to front up to key leaders with a contentious policy.
Nor is how I responded to this situation unusual. Challenges of this kind can trigger all kinds of imposter thoughts. For example, when challenged in such public ways you are thinking along the lines of variously - “I don’t know my stuff.” “Who I am to be standing here?” “I’m not qualified/worthy/good enough.” And so on. Your body goes into fight or flight response, your breathing gets shorter – which means your voice gets higher – and you are on your way to a fall.
I never want to be in one of these kinds of situations again. Nor do I want you to be. I still beat myself up for not handling it well. What could I have done that would not leave me feeling diminished, stupid, embarrassed and shamed? What could you do if you find yourself feeling publicly humiliated.
In looking for an answer to this question I have turned to a group of women who commonly experience aggression, harassment, misogyny and trolling – stand-up comedians. What can these women tell us? Here’s what I have learnt.
Reframe the situation. There is enormous power in changing the narrative. One way you can do this is by changing the description of the person who is challenging you. Rather than thinking of them as a any of - ‘colleague’, ‘most powerful person’, ‘student’, ‘conference participant’ ‘more knowledgeable than me’ - rename them as a ‘heckler’.
A heckler is defined as a person who interrupts a performer or public speaker with derisive or aggressive comments or abuse. They interrupt with intention and can be motivated by anger, frustration, boredom or fear. Hecklers can also be bullies or indeed bullies can often be hecklers. They are responding to some kind of inner need of their own. Their challenge is rarely about you, or your capability and knowledge. Usually it is about them seeking attention.
By renaming the act of ‘hearty debate’ or ‘challenge’ as ‘heckling’ we immediately shift the dial. This means that your first thought is not ‘Does this person know more than I do?’ as you might assume as they query some aspect of your presentation. It means that your first thought is ‘This person is wanting to be noticed/look clever at my expense/etc.”
By changing the thought, you change the feeling and by changing the feeling you change how you respond. This means that rather than letting the situation take control of you, you view the situation as about their inner concerns not yours. You are then in a stronger position to take control.
There are a number of ways you can do this.
1. Allow venting when necessary. I know I can become annoyed and irritated by constant interruptions or aggressive questioning. But remember your heckler wants some air time so let them. A key reason why this is helpful is that audiences tend to form group identity. Even when they don’t necessarily know each other, they will identify with each other as a group with an interest in common. If you try to shut your heckler down too quickly you can risk alienating the rest of the ‘group’. Your heckler is one of them. Giving your heckler some air time allows others in the audience to also get annoyed with them or begin to see how unfairly they are treating you.
2. Show you have heard your heckler but do not enter into debate. My error was to defend my position and the more I spoke the deeper I dug a hole for myself. Listen, summarise their point, confirm that you have heard them and thank your heckler for their contribution. Then ask their permission to get back to your task – whether that is to finish your presentation or to allow time for others to speak.
3. Suggest you discuss their point further in the coffee break. If your heckler is insistent that they do not want to drop the point, suggest you meet in the coffee break or after your presentation. This way you can explore their concerns more fully and, importantly, without an audience watching your skills in handling difficult situations.
4. Give them the floor. If your heckler is insistent that they are right and you are wrong and will not give up, invite them to the front of the room to present their case and ask the audience to respond directly to them. This takes the focus away from you, avoids the downward spiral of the ping-pong of arguing a point and can sometimes provide an important opportunity for you to learn more about the concerns and knowledge of your audience. If so, you are better armed next time!
5. Don’t fight to be heard. What can you do if your heckler is having a ‘private’ conversation with their neighbour or a small group of colleagues whilst you are speaking? You can of course ignore them and hope they stop or you can ask for quiet on the basis that their actions are disturbing others. More radically, you could slowly move closer to them until you are right next to them. You do not need to say anything as it is hard to ignore you when you are standing right beside them. They will get the message.
Being challenged, especially aggressively, in front of an audience can be absolutely soul destroying. It damages confidence and self-esteem. The key is to remember that this is not about you and any ‘failings’ you might believe you have. Take your time. Remember to breathe. And knock them dead!
With all good wishes,
Christina
Christina Hughes is Founder and CEO of Women-Space.
If you are looking for support with your career dilemmas, just get in touch.
If you want to follow up on this topic, try these blogs:
Kirstie Brewer A tough crowd at work is no joke – stand-up comedians share their tips
Tina Frey Clements Public Speaking Nightmare: How to Shut Down Bullies and Hecklers.
Eddie Griffin 7 Ways to Improve Your Business Presentations with Ideas from Stand-Up Comedy