Not Getting A Word in? How to get heard in online meetings
Struggling to make your voice heard in meetings? Finding there are repeated interruptions as you make a point. Or are you regularly talked-over?
These are common experiences for many women when they attend face-to-face meetings. Perhaps we shouldn’t be surprised then that these practices are also being replicated online.
Let’s consider turn-taking for example. Turn-taking is one of the most common speech patterns that help us communicate. We all know how it works. I share something with you. I then pause for you to respond. You speak.
Turn-taking makes a conversation - otherwise it’s a monologue.
Being talked over when it’s your turn to speak is more than frustrating and demotivating. It is disempowering.
Part of the problem is that in online environments we do not have the visual cues - eye contact, leaning towards the speaker, nodding – that are our normal ways of interacting. Rather, we appear on screen as a passport sized picture. This environment hardly lends itself to getting noticed. It also makes it very difficult for both the speaker and the listener.
When you are speaking in an online environment it is difficult to know how you are being heard. All those turned-off cameras are an enormously alienating experience, let alone the sea of faces that periodically move around our screens. How do you know when to stop as there are no cues to alert you to any signs of engagement?
For the listener, the absence of our common cues means that it can be difficult to know when the ‘pause’ moment is coming up. And – because everyone is poised ready to get a word in - when someone does pause, it is not unusual for everyone to speak at once.
However, the conditions of the virtual environment are only part of the problem.
Research suggests that in an eight-person group, just three people do 70 percent of the talking. There are also many reports of women, people of colour and other underrepresented groups finding it hard to be heard. This is because men are more likely than women to interrupt a speaker. Men are also more likely talk over the speaker when she is a woman.
The opposite is the case for women. Women are more likely to encourage turn-taking because they are interested in the others’ viewpoint. They are also less likely to interrupt.
The irony is - for those who talk and interrupt a lot, they may well feel the meeting has gone well. For everyone else, we leave feeling ignored or marginalised or just plain angry.
What can be done?
One of the implications we might take from this research is that it is we women who have to change. We are told that to get heard we should mirror the masculine. That is, we should barge in to discussions as much as we can.
This is not a good plan unless you want to be as irksome as those who do this to you! Moreover, when women behave in those kinds of ways we are more likely to be judged as bossy and overbearing.
Such a tactic doesn’t – either - do anything to change the world as it is.
Katherine Karl, Joy Peluchette and Navid Aghak have recently published an article on the good, the bad and the ugly of virtual work meetings. They highlight how the rapid changes brought on by the pandemic have meant that we have all just had to muddle through. This leaves many people not knowing how best to present or conduct themselves online.
Whilst virtual meeting etiquette has developed over the past year, there is no doubt that more work is needed. It is more common now for the Chair to set out of the ground rules for participation. This is welcome. For example, the “hands raised” function gives everyone an opportunity to participate.
This works to some extent. But I have had enough occasions of being ignored by the Chair or being called on last – hand raised or not - to know that this is not a failsafe option.
There is also a lot of advice available on how to create impact and presence on screen. This provides useful hints and tips about camera position and lighting as well as the importance of ensuring our backgrounds are uncluttered.
None of this, of course, deals with those times when we are silenced because we are being interrupted or talked over. Here the advice is to put in place a basic assertive technique.
Do a’ Kamala Harris’.
During the US Presidential Elections Kamala was debating with the Vice-President Mike Pence. He tried to interrupt her several times. Strongly assertive, and calm, she simply kept repeating “Mr Vice-President. I’m speaking.” You can find the clip here. It’s worth a watch.
What can you do, however, when you can’t even get to speak or your “hand raised” sign is being ignored? One option is to practice firm but gentle acts of microresistance. Comments in the chat box such as “I’m noticing that not everyone who has raised their hand has had a chance to speak” or “I think it is important for us to hear all voices” can be ways of drawing attention to the power differentials that are operating.
The chat function is also an important way to show support for others. Small affirmations such as putting the ‘like’ button against someone’s contribution or making direct comments such as “I agree with Mary’s point” go an awful long way to creating supportive and nurturing online environments.
Acts of microresistance are powerful and inclusive disruptors. They enable each of us to ‘speak up” and “speak out” for ourselves and for others, building networks of allies and collaborators.
In the words of Desmond Tutu “It’s all those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.”
with the warmest of wishes,
christina
October 2021
Acknowledgements
With enormous thanks to Professor Abigail Gregory, Deputy Pro-Vice-Chancellor and Professor of Sociology, Manchester Metropolitan University for her engagement with me on this topic and her suggestions for further reading.
If you are interested in further reading, try:
Burlinson, K (2021) Confidence Tips: 8 ways for women to take up space in online meetings. https://www.futuretalentlearning.com/en/future-talent-learning-blog/confidence-tips-8-ways-for-women-to-take-up-space-in-online-meetings
Cheung, F, Ganote, C and Souza, T (2021) Microresistance as a way to respond to microaggressions on zoom and in real life, Faculty Focus
Karl, K, Peluchette, J and Aghak, N (2021) Virtual Work Meetings During the Covid-19 Pandemic: The Good, Bad and Ugly, Small Group Research, 1-23
Office of Equity and Multicultural Services (Oregon Gov) Guide for facilitating inclusive virtual meetings – this is a great resource and worth circulating.
Weitzner, D (2021) After a year of Zoom meetings, we’ll need to rebuild trust through eye contact, The Conversation