Ten ways to say “no” at work
Saying “no” can be all very well in theory. But when caught off guard we can end up tongue tied and unable to say with confidence why the task at hand is not something we want to carry out.
So, how can we say “no” while retaining the respect and support of our colleagues and bosses?
Here are ten ideas. They could transform your working life!
1. Watch this great little video from Harvard Review on how to say “no” at work in a variety of ways. The presenter cites four key stages in the “saying no” process – consider, acknowledge, evidence, reinforce or renegotiate. The nine minutes it takes you to watch it will be recouped many times over when you put the tactics into practice. Saying “no” with confidence can make all the difference. Then share it and spread the word.
2. Reflect on which tasks give you energy and renew your passion. This will give you clarity on what you need to protect time for. Consider these questions:
· What tasks or jobs do I love doing to the extent that I get so engrossed I forget time exists? (the state of flow, as identified by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi)
· What would I do even if I wasn’t paid for it?
· What problem do I care about that is bigger than me?
· What do I need to be focussed on more that will help me realise my dreams?
3. Pick a day when you said “yes” and make a list of what you did and did not achieve. Consider how much of it was meeting another’s agenda and not yours. These are the tasks that are slowing you down or even stopping you achieving your personal and work goals. Even if you can’t delegate or stop doing those tasks now that you are committed to them, this will alert you to how your “yeses” are counterproductive. You might feel a moment of relief when you said “yes” originally but the cost is frustration at not achieving your own goals.
4. Develop a broad list on what you are willing, and not willing, to do in your working life. What jobs do you hate? What hours are “working hours” and which are not? Which tasks will you refuse? Which “opportunities” will you turn down? This enables you to be prepared with your “no” when you are caught off-guard with a request.
5. Think of a time when you said “no” and you were so pleased you did. Were you cheering yourself for making the right decision? Hold that moment in your heart and revisit it constantly. Make it your goal to add further examples.
6. Develop an understanding of how your “yes” is holding you back. This means being clear about what really matters to you. Read the blog on accessing your Inner Mentor which provides guidance on developing a better understanding of where you want to be in your life and how you can learn to trust your own inner wisdom.
7. Watch this YouTube video by Jana Studnicka. Jana is a “professional cuddler” and she provides a model case where being clear about what she will and will not do is exceptionally important in protecting her. Jana’s message is that we gain new levels of respect from others when we are able to express the boundaries that cannot be crossed and when to stand up for ourselves. Think about her message in relation to people you know who are clear about their own boundaries.
8. Start a “Say No” group. We all need the support of others when we are changing a habit and there will be many others who are facing the same concerns as you are.
9. I learnt a new word today – breaksgiving. It is a policy that closes a company or organisation for a day or two so that everyone gets to stop at the same time. It’s very reminiscent of what I knew in my childhood as the “works fortnight” - yes I am that old! - when all the factories closed down at the same time. It means that no-one comes back to a pile of emails or is interrupted while they are on leave. The principle is that sometimes we all need everything to stop so that we can properly have a break. While you wait for your university to catch up on this policy, you can still have a local email policy where your department or directorate has agreed to send and respond to emails only within certain hours. This not only creates the necessary break in the constant bombardment of messages, it also manages the expectations of students who email in the middle of the night and expect an immediate reply.
10. Transactional Analysis therapy looks at ‘ego states’ – the way in which people interact with others. The “parent, adult, child” model can transform the way you deal with line managers and colleagues. In brief, shifting yourself from the “child” into the “adult” ego state can force a “parent” ego into an “adult” state, enabling you to have a new, healthier relationship in which your “no” is respected. It really does work – try it. A short summary is here.
I said ten ways - but here is number eleven! Embrace “no” as your cheerleader and cheerleader others who say “no”. It’s a great friend and really can help you achieve more balance in your working life.
If you have any suggestions that work for you for bring “no” more into your working life, do contact me.
with the warmest of wishes
Christina
