Why do we say “yes” at work?
Are you beating yourself up because you said “yes” to that extra task? Does the work keep coming and you can see no respite?
Surprise, surprise - research shows women are more likely than men to say “yes” to tasks at work. Among the reasons for this, beyond the need or desire for more money, are fear of being disliked, concern that bosses or colleagues will be angry, a worry that they won’t be asked to undertake a better or more appropriate task in the future, a natural desire to work collaboratively and not wanting to dump the unwanted task on someone else’s shoulders.
Research from Harvard tells us that women are the prime sufferers in “yes” scenarios because in mixed-sex groups there is a shared expectation – from women and men - that it is women who will offer their time free of charge.
And until we develop the confidence and tools to enable us to say “no,” we will continue to say “yes” – disrupting our own career development plans, impacting our mental health and running a wrecking ball through our personal life.
I’m among those who have been guilty of saying “yes” at work. When I finished my PhD and needed to earn some money I took any teaching or fixed-term research project that came my way. “Yes” became my watchword as my career developed. But this time I wasn’t driven by pure economics. Rather, I was fearful that I would be judged as being self-centred or unsupportive. I also worried that saying “no” would lead to anger and unpopularity and that, if I refused, I wouldn’t be asked again.
The kinds of things that women say “yes” to are also those that often do least to support career progression. In her book ‘Beating the Odds’ Marcia Devlin includes specific teaching-related tasks such as being responsible for units of study with large enrolments and being the coordinator, contact and support person for large numbers of sessional staff. It also includes taking notes in meetings and organising birthdays and farewell occasions.
Many of these tasks are essential to productive working and collegiality and this is often why we do them. We care about our students and our colleagues and can see the necessity of these jobs. Besides, someone has to do it so, if not me, then who?
We know that saying “yes” all the time is not a great habit. It leads to overwork and sometimes resentment. It also means that the things you really want, or need, to do always fall off your to-do list or are squeezed in to holidays or weekends.
If you are always saying “yes” when you really want to say no”, read our next blog. This has suggestions and strategies on how to say “no” with confidence, while retaining our self-respect and that of our colleagues. There are a combination of personal and collective responses that deal with those unhelpful habits so that we are creating our own strength for change – both personally and collectively. And by inviting others to join us we create networks of support and shared experience that can create the working cultures that we all need.
Don’t delay - read Ten Ways to Say “No” at Work next!
with the warmest of wishes,
christina
